I need to get over my hangups.
Man, it's been a very rough May. I'm trying really hard to adjust to all the changes that have been happening, but it's all happening so fast my only reaction is stress.
I'm use to routine, I like having one. So when life gets super insane for me I have trouble dealing with no routine. Terri has been really great in reminding our bootcamp class that fitness is what helps you deal with all the craziness in your life. Using your body and treating it with respect is what gets your brain through really trying times.
I love hearing her say things like this because it helps me focus again. I wish I had a little recording of the great things she says some times so I could just play them to help focus me again. I try to hear her voice when I feel really down about myself or my day, she's the best source of triumph in my life. She's helped me over come so many barriers.
Still with all the great encouragement and mentoring I get I still have mental hangups I need to work on.
It's hard to think about yourself in a different light when you were a certain way for a very long time. I didn't like the way I looked for almost 6 years, so now that my body it changing I can get a little obsessed.
Case in point, it's hard to think about me loving my body in a bikini still. It's hard for me to think I could wear a certain style of clothing or be an inspiration to others working hard to meet their fitness goals too. My brain has yet to catch up to my body. Which is really quite strange for me.
Yesterday Clint and I went shopping. Both of us need new treads for this summer since it's FINALLY warm now. Because I have dressed a certain way for so long, summer clothing always intimidates me. I know I wrote a post a month or so ago about how fun it is for me to be able to try on clothing and like how I look in it. It's true, but there are still things I get unsure about because I just don't really wear them.
Skirts and short dresses are probably the thing that terrify me the most. I have this mental block about my legs I just cannot get over. My whole life it's plagued me, more then my midsection or my arms or face or anything. My legs and I do not get along.
I tried a skirt on yesterday, it was really cute. Something I'd probably see on someone else and fall in love with. The problem was I felt awkward in it, not because it was uncomfortable, but because my legs were so exposed. I just kept turning around and freaking out about all my still existing cellulite. I kept thinking to myself "Do I look ridiculous in this?"
I should of bought it, it would have been a really great step toward excepting myself, but I couldn't. Even after I had gone to the gym that morning and muscled through an extremely tough glute/leg workout, it wasn't enough to boost my self-confidence.
I know a lot of women out there have body issues of some kind. Even with all my hard work and learning I still have mine too. I just hope I can get over them because I really truly hate being paralyzed by fear and doubt. I don't like the way it makes me feel and I know I'm better and stronger then my fears, it's just my brain needs to catch up.
Maybe I'll go back tomorrow and try the skirt on again. I'll bring my positive thoughts and a little bit of Terri's strong encouraging words.
Showing posts with label bikini. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bikini. Show all posts
Monday, May 30, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
No Excuses! Don't Get in Your Own Way...
Every morning my alarm goes off at 4:30 am and I'm tired. I have a buffer if I accidentally close my eyes for too long another alarm goes off at 4:45. It doesn't matter I'm always still tired.
The point is I get up anyway, no excuses.
I don't know anyone who springs forth from the bed all smiles and jazz hands. It's fairly impossible. Your body is trying to wake up, you're slightly disoriented probably colder then you want to be, your heart is warming up to a faster pulse.
Excuses no matter what they are, are self sabotage. You are only hurting yourself with every excuse you choose to give in to.
Before I got into a steady routine I made excuses all the time and it's soooo easy to do when you first start working out. You're sore all the time, probably really badly. You're not use to using the muscles and they pay you back. It's so easy to say "I'm too sore today" because you're sore everyday. I wasn't use to getting up early either, another easy out for my brain. I'd see the alarm and say "I'm too tired today," but I realized getting up that early I'd be tired everyday.
When I first started eating healthy there was loads of temptation. I never cared before about what I ate and now I felt I was being so good and deserve to have a "treat". Then I realized my food choices were not temporary. I choose to eat better for the rest of my life, I don't need reward for that.
Whatever it is that gets you excited about working out and eating right use it. Even if it seems stupid in retrospect.
Today I was crazy tired when I woke up, rain does that too me. For half a second I thought about going back to sleep, then I remembered I had a Bootcamp class with Terri and I wanted to see everyone in class.
I started taking classes because it forced me to get up and go somewhere. What's really great about starting with classes is your with a group of people about to go through the same thing you are. Once you get to know them you watch out of each other and get loads of encouragement. It's also a great change to anything I do by myself which keeps my routine fresh and exciting.
Other things I do to stay motivated:
Excuses never get anyone anywhere. They just make you ultimately feel guilty because you've let yourself down. I HATE feeling that way, it's worse then to stomachache I get from indulging in foods my body pretty much rejects now.
So if you think you could never ever get up early and hit the gym just know it took me many months of forcing myself, lying to myself, and feeling guilty before I just accepted going to bed at 10 pm and knowing I'd always be up before the sun.
The thing is it's totally worth it, everyday I wake up tired I work the limits of my body and mind and I end up in a shower that feels like the only reason I'm alive. Sleeping in isn't worth more then that feeling to me now.
So if you ever feel down and you just can't bring yourself to lace up those sneakers, just think about me at 4:30 am getting ready and feel good knowing someone is up sweating with you :)
The point is I get up anyway, no excuses.
I don't know anyone who springs forth from the bed all smiles and jazz hands. It's fairly impossible. Your body is trying to wake up, you're slightly disoriented probably colder then you want to be, your heart is warming up to a faster pulse.
Excuses no matter what they are, are self sabotage. You are only hurting yourself with every excuse you choose to give in to.
Before I got into a steady routine I made excuses all the time and it's soooo easy to do when you first start working out. You're sore all the time, probably really badly. You're not use to using the muscles and they pay you back. It's so easy to say "I'm too sore today" because you're sore everyday. I wasn't use to getting up early either, another easy out for my brain. I'd see the alarm and say "I'm too tired today," but I realized getting up that early I'd be tired everyday.
When I first started eating healthy there was loads of temptation. I never cared before about what I ate and now I felt I was being so good and deserve to have a "treat". Then I realized my food choices were not temporary. I choose to eat better for the rest of my life, I don't need reward for that.
Whatever it is that gets you excited about working out and eating right use it. Even if it seems stupid in retrospect.
Today I was crazy tired when I woke up, rain does that too me. For half a second I thought about going back to sleep, then I remembered I had a Bootcamp class with Terri and I wanted to see everyone in class.
I started taking classes because it forced me to get up and go somewhere. What's really great about starting with classes is your with a group of people about to go through the same thing you are. Once you get to know them you watch out of each other and get loads of encouragement. It's also a great change to anything I do by myself which keeps my routine fresh and exciting.
Other things I do to stay motivated:
- Get a new cute workout outfit (something that you feel great wearing even if you are sweating in it) I'm personally addicted to lululemon so it's sort of a treat to buy a whole outfit there. Totally worth the price because I love how it makes me look!
- Keep a workout journal. I use this to see the progress I'm making even if my eyes don't allow me to see it in the mirror. At the end of the month I also get measured, weighed and calipered.
- Doing my hardest exercise 1st! This not only helps me wake-up but I really feel accomplished even if I start feeling tired toward the end of my workout.
- Tuning in to how I feel while I exercise. I always feel amazing and I like to remind myself of it as much as I can so I don't forget why I'm getting up at 4:30!
- Tell myself I'm doing more then what most people do in a whole week. Sounds self-righteous but it's true. Terri and Keith use to tell me this all the time and it always gave me boost in performance.
- Trying on my bikini and lounging around the house (even when it's 16 degrees outside). There is nothing like the reminder of why you are doing what your doing - this works really great when I think I want to eating something really terrible!
- Talking to others about fitness. Believe it or not the more I talk about routines, goals and healthy recipes the more excited I get to do all the things I talked about. I've gone a whole day at work feeling tired and depressed and someone has asked me about my lifting, the second we started talking I was crazy pumped and hit the stack the second I got home.
- Putting my healthy food in fun containers - you just can't say no to raw broccoli and spinach in a happy dancing bunny container.
- Reading success stories of regular people. This might depress some people, but it really helps me. I see all these people who did what I'm doing now and it makes it feel obtainable. People that did something even harder then what I'm doing always inspires me to give my all!
- Being honest with myself. Excuses aren't cool but if I'm really that crazy beat I give myself a break. I think about why I want or don't want something and evaluate the situation. I'm human and I have other things happening in my life you can't be perfect 100% of the time.
Excuses never get anyone anywhere. They just make you ultimately feel guilty because you've let yourself down. I HATE feeling that way, it's worse then to stomachache I get from indulging in foods my body pretty much rejects now.
So if you think you could never ever get up early and hit the gym just know it took me many months of forcing myself, lying to myself, and feeling guilty before I just accepted going to bed at 10 pm and knowing I'd always be up before the sun.
The thing is it's totally worth it, everyday I wake up tired I work the limits of my body and mind and I end up in a shower that feels like the only reason I'm alive. Sleeping in isn't worth more then that feeling to me now.
So if you ever feel down and you just can't bring yourself to lace up those sneakers, just think about me at 4:30 am getting ready and feel good knowing someone is up sweating with you :)
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I live on facebook...again
Remember when facebook was a website where you had to have a college email to belong to it? That's when I was on facebook.
I remember belonging to a protest group that wanted to make it public like myspace (you know before people shuttered at that word). Anyway, I deactivated my account in 2007 because of a horrible fight that an ex boyfriend and I had gotten into over a private message. He hacked into my account read things out of context and boom we were fighting about something else.
Anyway to avoid fights altogether I got rid of every social network site I was on at the time. I even started to enjoy that no one could find me, like I didn't exist on the internet (except for my resumé and portfolio).
Until this year I hadn't really thought about facebook again. I've had a ton of people ask me a million times if I'm on there and I always just use to smile and say "nope". Unfortunately to truly be held to my LMBM goals I thought it might be a good idea to set up an account again.
Here comes the scary part.
When I typed in my email address into facebook it told me there was already an account that existed under that email. I immediately panicked. How was that possible?! I had deleted the account over 4 years ago.
I was able to reset the password to the account and once I enabled it again it remember everything just how I left it in 2007. All my comments, post, pictures, tags, friends. EVERYTHING!
I spent the first 2 hour going through trying to deleted the old me, the college & first year in NYC me - I'm not that person anymore.
There were some things I could never ever hope to fully get rid of, like wall posts. I still haven't gone through my whole friends list to see if I even want these people knowing anything personal about me.
While it's nice to see some old faces and learn that everyone I know is married and/or has kids it's sort of scary to me. I feel like I never had a connection to these people, we just when to the same school or were in the same clubs. It seems so trivial now.
I moved out of Florida the second I could. I hated living there and knew I was meant for better things. It's really true though, the more things change the more things stay the same.
You'll have to give me time to ease into facebook again. I'm just that way sometimes with new things, if you really want to be friends or send me a message please do. I'd like people to follow me and see progress. I actually have so new pics up of the bathing suit I'm using for this little experiment, well at least what I like to call bikini ZERO.
I remember belonging to a protest group that wanted to make it public like myspace (you know before people shuttered at that word). Anyway, I deactivated my account in 2007 because of a horrible fight that an ex boyfriend and I had gotten into over a private message. He hacked into my account read things out of context and boom we were fighting about something else.
Anyway to avoid fights altogether I got rid of every social network site I was on at the time. I even started to enjoy that no one could find me, like I didn't exist on the internet (except for my resumé and portfolio).
Until this year I hadn't really thought about facebook again. I've had a ton of people ask me a million times if I'm on there and I always just use to smile and say "nope". Unfortunately to truly be held to my LMBM goals I thought it might be a good idea to set up an account again.
Here comes the scary part.
When I typed in my email address into facebook it told me there was already an account that existed under that email. I immediately panicked. How was that possible?! I had deleted the account over 4 years ago.
I was able to reset the password to the account and once I enabled it again it remember everything just how I left it in 2007. All my comments, post, pictures, tags, friends. EVERYTHING!
I spent the first 2 hour going through trying to deleted the old me, the college & first year in NYC me - I'm not that person anymore.
There were some things I could never ever hope to fully get rid of, like wall posts. I still haven't gone through my whole friends list to see if I even want these people knowing anything personal about me.
While it's nice to see some old faces and learn that everyone I know is married and/or has kids it's sort of scary to me. I feel like I never had a connection to these people, we just when to the same school or were in the same clubs. It seems so trivial now.
I moved out of Florida the second I could. I hated living there and knew I was meant for better things. It's really true though, the more things change the more things stay the same.
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| Bikini ZERO: better pics to come this is just a taste |
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