I know April is suppose to be rainy, but MAN it is out of control this year. The second we get a twinge above 50 degrees here in NYC the clouds roll in and the gray takes over.
I know I wrote about being excited for warmer weather because of all the nice things I get to do outside, but I'm also soooo ready to change my wardrobe. I feel like a character in an animated series, forced to be drawn walking NYC in my black boots, jeans and long hoodie under my leather coat. Don't get me wrong I like having a look sometimes, but I'm ready for light tanks, flats and cute skirts.
Which means soon I get to do more shopping!
Believe it or not I've never really liked shopping. My mother loves it and so does her sister, but I never was a big fan. I think the whole reason I didn't like it was because when I was a teen it was "popular" to hang at the mall and my friends and I were "anti" anything remotely popular. When I got into college I had no money. The years after graduation I worked up the career ladder and I got ever increasingly heavier. Shopping meant having to try things on in front of 3 reflections of myself.
I hated all mirrors and actually threw away the only full length one I ever owned as to not be forced to see what only made me upset. I was never in a mood to force myself into a small changing room with a giant 3-way.
I remember being in desperate need of new things and lamenting going into the dressing rooms, FULL of nothing but 3-way mirrors and bizarre overhead lighting. I can't tell you how many times I was almost brought to tears in the Macy's dressing room. I had stopped buying clothes all together 2 years ago until I was forced to go on a business trip where I needed more presentable attire.
Two weeks ago I decided to "go shopping". I'm not talking about needing one outfit for a certain event. I mean looking for a whole new wardrobe because nothing and I mean nothing I own fits me. I was so out of practice and completely clueless about sizes I must have spent a good 6 hours trying on clothes from every shop around Herald Square.
I was shuffling up to the dressing room in Forever 21 & HM with both arms full to the brim with different items, heading into my 4 x 4 room and letting out the sigh I always had when face with a 3-way mirror. This time though, even as the ever familiar dread and sickness in my stomach started to rise, I tried things on one at a time. To my surprise everything I choose was too big! I started to see that all my hard work over the past 8 months has been leading up to me absolutely loving trying on clothes.
*insert silly 80's movie girl shopping montage HERE*
No matter what is was I loved how I looked in it. I felt a depth of excitement I can barely explain in words. For the first time I was looking at a person in the mirror I was proud of. The 3-way mirror was not playing tricks, was not making me think I'd put on another 10lbs. For once it was showing me what I always wanted to see and I made that happen. Talk about an empowering experience.
Knowing there is no instant satisfaction for changing your body can be discouraging when you first start on the path, but seeing the results of long term work is a reward you will never get over. Instead of walking out of the dressing room in ultimate disappointment and feeling terrible for the rest of the day, I came home brimming with happiness and bags of cute clothes that flattered me.
I'm feeling braver, so much braver then I've ever felt. Getting psyched about 3-way mirrors might seem really trivial, but being able to let go of that fear and disappointment is a giant weight off my shoulders. I'm not afraid about trying new things. I can now shift my attention from my obsession with my legs to twirling around and admiring what all that sweating has done for me.
Call me insane, or vain, but I stood just looking at myself in that little 4 x 4 space smiling. Loving myself has been very hard for a very very long time. Now I understand that the love of yourself is completely connected with how you use your time, your body and mind all as one. Your self worth can't be high if you never use what you've been given. Treat your body like a waste and your mind will follow suit.
I can't love my body anymore then when I'm forcing what it can do to it's limit. It's a zen and state of being far beyond what I would call "spiritual".
After my epiphany in the dressing room I know I will never stop striving to keep a hold of that love, which means never giving up the desire to USE my body every day :)
Showing posts with label self-esteen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-esteen. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
No Excuses! Don't Get in Your Own Way...
Every morning my alarm goes off at 4:30 am and I'm tired. I have a buffer if I accidentally close my eyes for too long another alarm goes off at 4:45. It doesn't matter I'm always still tired.
The point is I get up anyway, no excuses.
I don't know anyone who springs forth from the bed all smiles and jazz hands. It's fairly impossible. Your body is trying to wake up, you're slightly disoriented probably colder then you want to be, your heart is warming up to a faster pulse.
Excuses no matter what they are, are self sabotage. You are only hurting yourself with every excuse you choose to give in to.
Before I got into a steady routine I made excuses all the time and it's soooo easy to do when you first start working out. You're sore all the time, probably really badly. You're not use to using the muscles and they pay you back. It's so easy to say "I'm too sore today" because you're sore everyday. I wasn't use to getting up early either, another easy out for my brain. I'd see the alarm and say "I'm too tired today," but I realized getting up that early I'd be tired everyday.
When I first started eating healthy there was loads of temptation. I never cared before about what I ate and now I felt I was being so good and deserve to have a "treat". Then I realized my food choices were not temporary. I choose to eat better for the rest of my life, I don't need reward for that.
Whatever it is that gets you excited about working out and eating right use it. Even if it seems stupid in retrospect.
Today I was crazy tired when I woke up, rain does that too me. For half a second I thought about going back to sleep, then I remembered I had a Bootcamp class with Terri and I wanted to see everyone in class.
I started taking classes because it forced me to get up and go somewhere. What's really great about starting with classes is your with a group of people about to go through the same thing you are. Once you get to know them you watch out of each other and get loads of encouragement. It's also a great change to anything I do by myself which keeps my routine fresh and exciting.
Other things I do to stay motivated:
Excuses never get anyone anywhere. They just make you ultimately feel guilty because you've let yourself down. I HATE feeling that way, it's worse then to stomachache I get from indulging in foods my body pretty much rejects now.
So if you think you could never ever get up early and hit the gym just know it took me many months of forcing myself, lying to myself, and feeling guilty before I just accepted going to bed at 10 pm and knowing I'd always be up before the sun.
The thing is it's totally worth it, everyday I wake up tired I work the limits of my body and mind and I end up in a shower that feels like the only reason I'm alive. Sleeping in isn't worth more then that feeling to me now.
So if you ever feel down and you just can't bring yourself to lace up those sneakers, just think about me at 4:30 am getting ready and feel good knowing someone is up sweating with you :)
The point is I get up anyway, no excuses.
I don't know anyone who springs forth from the bed all smiles and jazz hands. It's fairly impossible. Your body is trying to wake up, you're slightly disoriented probably colder then you want to be, your heart is warming up to a faster pulse.
Excuses no matter what they are, are self sabotage. You are only hurting yourself with every excuse you choose to give in to.
Before I got into a steady routine I made excuses all the time and it's soooo easy to do when you first start working out. You're sore all the time, probably really badly. You're not use to using the muscles and they pay you back. It's so easy to say "I'm too sore today" because you're sore everyday. I wasn't use to getting up early either, another easy out for my brain. I'd see the alarm and say "I'm too tired today," but I realized getting up that early I'd be tired everyday.
When I first started eating healthy there was loads of temptation. I never cared before about what I ate and now I felt I was being so good and deserve to have a "treat". Then I realized my food choices were not temporary. I choose to eat better for the rest of my life, I don't need reward for that.
Whatever it is that gets you excited about working out and eating right use it. Even if it seems stupid in retrospect.
Today I was crazy tired when I woke up, rain does that too me. For half a second I thought about going back to sleep, then I remembered I had a Bootcamp class with Terri and I wanted to see everyone in class.
I started taking classes because it forced me to get up and go somewhere. What's really great about starting with classes is your with a group of people about to go through the same thing you are. Once you get to know them you watch out of each other and get loads of encouragement. It's also a great change to anything I do by myself which keeps my routine fresh and exciting.
Other things I do to stay motivated:
- Get a new cute workout outfit (something that you feel great wearing even if you are sweating in it) I'm personally addicted to lululemon so it's sort of a treat to buy a whole outfit there. Totally worth the price because I love how it makes me look!
- Keep a workout journal. I use this to see the progress I'm making even if my eyes don't allow me to see it in the mirror. At the end of the month I also get measured, weighed and calipered.
- Doing my hardest exercise 1st! This not only helps me wake-up but I really feel accomplished even if I start feeling tired toward the end of my workout.
- Tuning in to how I feel while I exercise. I always feel amazing and I like to remind myself of it as much as I can so I don't forget why I'm getting up at 4:30!
- Tell myself I'm doing more then what most people do in a whole week. Sounds self-righteous but it's true. Terri and Keith use to tell me this all the time and it always gave me boost in performance.
- Trying on my bikini and lounging around the house (even when it's 16 degrees outside). There is nothing like the reminder of why you are doing what your doing - this works really great when I think I want to eating something really terrible!
- Talking to others about fitness. Believe it or not the more I talk about routines, goals and healthy recipes the more excited I get to do all the things I talked about. I've gone a whole day at work feeling tired and depressed and someone has asked me about my lifting, the second we started talking I was crazy pumped and hit the stack the second I got home.
- Putting my healthy food in fun containers - you just can't say no to raw broccoli and spinach in a happy dancing bunny container.
- Reading success stories of regular people. This might depress some people, but it really helps me. I see all these people who did what I'm doing now and it makes it feel obtainable. People that did something even harder then what I'm doing always inspires me to give my all!
- Being honest with myself. Excuses aren't cool but if I'm really that crazy beat I give myself a break. I think about why I want or don't want something and evaluate the situation. I'm human and I have other things happening in my life you can't be perfect 100% of the time.
Excuses never get anyone anywhere. They just make you ultimately feel guilty because you've let yourself down. I HATE feeling that way, it's worse then to stomachache I get from indulging in foods my body pretty much rejects now.
So if you think you could never ever get up early and hit the gym just know it took me many months of forcing myself, lying to myself, and feeling guilty before I just accepted going to bed at 10 pm and knowing I'd always be up before the sun.
The thing is it's totally worth it, everyday I wake up tired I work the limits of my body and mind and I end up in a shower that feels like the only reason I'm alive. Sleeping in isn't worth more then that feeling to me now.
So if you ever feel down and you just can't bring yourself to lace up those sneakers, just think about me at 4:30 am getting ready and feel good knowing someone is up sweating with you :)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Haters gonna hate, walk proud
You can't always rely on others to motivate you or give you confidence. If you've made the decision to change your ways and start building a healthy lifestyle it has to be a personal choice. It's always great to know you have family and friends supporting you, even trying to help you reach the goals you set for yourself, but in the end you are the only person who can reach them.
Not all people are truly confident in themselves, it's hard because sometimes we feel it's being vain or boastful. Were taught not to be prideful, but there is a clear distinction between being proud of who you are and thinking you're some sort of god.
I've really had to learn to be proud of myself and not compare myself to others accomplishments. There is only one of me, therefore I can only compare achievements against what I've already done. If people stopped comparing themselves to others I think we'd all have a little more self confidence, especially when it comes to fitness!
Even I'm guilty of wanting to look like certain fitness models and I aspire to reach a point where I can bare all with a smile being completely happy in my skin. It's work and every day I get closer to NOT hating my body.
The reason I bring up self confidence today is because I've gotten my share or two of haters hating. Guys at the gym hassling me about weightlifting, people I work with telling me I'm crazy for getting up as early as I do to workout. Even friends who are generally interested in what I'm doing and how I'm changing my body are very quick to tell me that trying to get a six-pack is a pipe dream and I should just be happy that I'm not obese.
I want those washboard abs, that's something I want and if I actually listened to everyone who told me it was impossible or how miserable I was going to be not eating chocolate I'd never be as far as I am.
People are naturally resentful. Sounds a bit pessimistic, I agree, but I've found this to be fairly accurate. While others will be happy for you (or say so), they always compare to what they have or don't have. This is why some of my friends find it hard to stick with a workout routine or nutrition plan. Peer pressure drives them to think wanting to be healthy and look amazing and fit is vain. That you're not fun if you don't want to go binge drinking or lame for going to bed at 10pm.
I've turned down many things I knew might either lead me to unnecessary temptation OR put me in a position to be ridiculed. Reaching your goals is inspiring to most people, but the path is filled with rough spots.
You have to believe in yourself to be truly happy and healthy. It takes more time with some people and I've learned that it's okay to want to look good and feel great. Everyone on this planet should want that for themselves. It's pure choice, for most of us, that makes things otherwise.
So don't get discouraged if you can't bench as much as another member of your gym or if someone tells you you're crazy for giving up lattes. It's also really important to keep track of the mini milestones as well! Knowing you've gone 2 weeks without caffeine, or that you can do 3 more push-ups is just as important as finally losing that first 10lbs.
Never ever ever let anyone tell you, you CAN'T do something. Whatever it is. This doesn't just go for fitness, but everything in your life. If you listen to everyone (even yourself) say "you can't" you never will. That's why even though I can't do a pull-up on my own, I can do many assisted ones. The more I practice the closer I get. I know if I keep trying eventually I will, that's why I never give up.
Always try, the most important things are worth working for. And while I might have to remind myself every now and again, that I'm doing a good job I'll never lie and say it's easy.
Something to practice is for every flaw you think you have, counter your thought with a positive attribute about yourself. If I'm hating on my legs I try to think about how much I love my shoulders and then I try to have the best lower body workout and feel 1000 times better about everything.
You can't change everything about yourself in a split second, but with perseverance and confidence in yourself you will see change. This is coming from someone that had no self-esteem about a year ago. The more you work the better you feel and the stronger you become the more you want to achieve.
Take each day one at a time and try to do something that makes you feel good about yourself. Trust me, it gets easier :)
Not all people are truly confident in themselves, it's hard because sometimes we feel it's being vain or boastful. Were taught not to be prideful, but there is a clear distinction between being proud of who you are and thinking you're some sort of god.
I've really had to learn to be proud of myself and not compare myself to others accomplishments. There is only one of me, therefore I can only compare achievements against what I've already done. If people stopped comparing themselves to others I think we'd all have a little more self confidence, especially when it comes to fitness!
Even I'm guilty of wanting to look like certain fitness models and I aspire to reach a point where I can bare all with a smile being completely happy in my skin. It's work and every day I get closer to NOT hating my body.
The reason I bring up self confidence today is because I've gotten my share or two of haters hating. Guys at the gym hassling me about weightlifting, people I work with telling me I'm crazy for getting up as early as I do to workout. Even friends who are generally interested in what I'm doing and how I'm changing my body are very quick to tell me that trying to get a six-pack is a pipe dream and I should just be happy that I'm not obese.
I want those washboard abs, that's something I want and if I actually listened to everyone who told me it was impossible or how miserable I was going to be not eating chocolate I'd never be as far as I am.
People are naturally resentful. Sounds a bit pessimistic, I agree, but I've found this to be fairly accurate. While others will be happy for you (or say so), they always compare to what they have or don't have. This is why some of my friends find it hard to stick with a workout routine or nutrition plan. Peer pressure drives them to think wanting to be healthy and look amazing and fit is vain. That you're not fun if you don't want to go binge drinking or lame for going to bed at 10pm.
I've turned down many things I knew might either lead me to unnecessary temptation OR put me in a position to be ridiculed. Reaching your goals is inspiring to most people, but the path is filled with rough spots.
You have to believe in yourself to be truly happy and healthy. It takes more time with some people and I've learned that it's okay to want to look good and feel great. Everyone on this planet should want that for themselves. It's pure choice, for most of us, that makes things otherwise.
So don't get discouraged if you can't bench as much as another member of your gym or if someone tells you you're crazy for giving up lattes. It's also really important to keep track of the mini milestones as well! Knowing you've gone 2 weeks without caffeine, or that you can do 3 more push-ups is just as important as finally losing that first 10lbs.
Never ever ever let anyone tell you, you CAN'T do something. Whatever it is. This doesn't just go for fitness, but everything in your life. If you listen to everyone (even yourself) say "you can't" you never will. That's why even though I can't do a pull-up on my own, I can do many assisted ones. The more I practice the closer I get. I know if I keep trying eventually I will, that's why I never give up.
Always try, the most important things are worth working for. And while I might have to remind myself every now and again, that I'm doing a good job I'll never lie and say it's easy.
Something to practice is for every flaw you think you have, counter your thought with a positive attribute about yourself. If I'm hating on my legs I try to think about how much I love my shoulders and then I try to have the best lower body workout and feel 1000 times better about everything.
You can't change everything about yourself in a split second, but with perseverance and confidence in yourself you will see change. This is coming from someone that had no self-esteem about a year ago. The more you work the better you feel and the stronger you become the more you want to achieve.
Take each day one at a time and try to do something that makes you feel good about yourself. Trust me, it gets easier :)
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