I know April is suppose to be rainy, but MAN it is out of control this year. The second we get a twinge above 50 degrees here in NYC the clouds roll in and the gray takes over.
I know I wrote about being excited for warmer weather because of all the nice things I get to do outside, but I'm also soooo ready to change my wardrobe. I feel like a character in an animated series, forced to be drawn walking NYC in my black boots, jeans and long hoodie under my leather coat. Don't get me wrong I like having a look sometimes, but I'm ready for light tanks, flats and cute skirts.
Which means soon I get to do more shopping!
Believe it or not I've never really liked shopping. My mother loves it and so does her sister, but I never was a big fan. I think the whole reason I didn't like it was because when I was a teen it was "popular" to hang at the mall and my friends and I were "anti" anything remotely popular. When I got into college I had no money. The years after graduation I worked up the career ladder and I got ever increasingly heavier. Shopping meant having to try things on in front of 3 reflections of myself.
I hated all mirrors and actually threw away the only full length one I ever owned as to not be forced to see what only made me upset. I was never in a mood to force myself into a small changing room with a giant 3-way.
I remember being in desperate need of new things and lamenting going into the dressing rooms, FULL of nothing but 3-way mirrors and bizarre overhead lighting. I can't tell you how many times I was almost brought to tears in the Macy's dressing room. I had stopped buying clothes all together 2 years ago until I was forced to go on a business trip where I needed more presentable attire.
Two weeks ago I decided to "go shopping". I'm not talking about needing one outfit for a certain event. I mean looking for a whole new wardrobe because nothing and I mean nothing I own fits me. I was so out of practice and completely clueless about sizes I must have spent a good 6 hours trying on clothes from every shop around Herald Square.
I was shuffling up to the dressing room in Forever 21 & HM with both arms full to the brim with different items, heading into my 4 x 4 room and letting out the sigh I always had when face with a 3-way mirror. This time though, even as the ever familiar dread and sickness in my stomach started to rise, I tried things on one at a time. To my surprise everything I choose was too big! I started to see that all my hard work over the past 8 months has been leading up to me absolutely loving trying on clothes.
*insert silly 80's movie girl shopping montage HERE*
No matter what is was I loved how I looked in it. I felt a depth of excitement I can barely explain in words. For the first time I was looking at a person in the mirror I was proud of. The 3-way mirror was not playing tricks, was not making me think I'd put on another 10lbs. For once it was showing me what I always wanted to see and I made that happen. Talk about an empowering experience.
Knowing there is no instant satisfaction for changing your body can be discouraging when you first start on the path, but seeing the results of long term work is a reward you will never get over. Instead of walking out of the dressing room in ultimate disappointment and feeling terrible for the rest of the day, I came home brimming with happiness and bags of cute clothes that flattered me.
I'm feeling braver, so much braver then I've ever felt. Getting psyched about 3-way mirrors might seem really trivial, but being able to let go of that fear and disappointment is a giant weight off my shoulders. I'm not afraid about trying new things. I can now shift my attention from my obsession with my legs to twirling around and admiring what all that sweating has done for me.
Call me insane, or vain, but I stood just looking at myself in that little 4 x 4 space smiling. Loving myself has been very hard for a very very long time. Now I understand that the love of yourself is completely connected with how you use your time, your body and mind all as one. Your self worth can't be high if you never use what you've been given. Treat your body like a waste and your mind will follow suit.
I can't love my body anymore then when I'm forcing what it can do to it's limit. It's a zen and state of being far beyond what I would call "spiritual".
After my epiphany in the dressing room I know I will never stop striving to keep a hold of that love, which means never giving up the desire to USE my body every day :)
Showing posts with label real life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label real life. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Misfits & Gymscapades
I'm totally convinced I could write a book solely based on experiences and characters from my gym. It's a very small gym that's located in my building, for use only by the tenants and their guests. Even though I know almost nothing personal about most of the people I see there, I've named them according to personal traits & quirks. Sometimes I feel like I live in an episode of Seinfeld.
Let me start of by saying - no matter how quirky these people are, they are a least getting in a workout, well most of them....
Bear Man: I see this guy often, he's a regular and in fairly decent shape. He's of smaller stature which I think for some guys means they feel they need to over compensate on everything. This guy's form is terrible. He goes insanely heavy with crap form and tries to do every set as fast as humanly possible (probably because his limbs are going to rip off.) I'm actually waiting for this guy to hurt himself really badly, he's just asking for a serious muscle tear somewhere. If that wasn't amusing enough he makes these horrendously loud and guttural bear like scream/moan sounds. So loud I've actually seen the girl at the front desk jump out of her chair. I know that getting through the last few reps is hard, bodies are being taxed to their limit and if you're doing max weight of course your pushing yourself, making sounds is totally normal. However, Bear Man is crazy and wants attention. He has to show everyone how heavy he's lifting and how hard he's working, and has no problem making the sounds of someone being tortured & pleasured beyond their wildest dreams as loud as his lungs will let him. I try really hard to workout before Bear Man, it's very hard to concentrate and sort of uncomfortable with him around.
The Dudes: These guys only workout in the evening, which I'm really really thankful for. I do go to the gym at night on occasion but it's very rare. I'm usually to burnt to go at night and if I do it's mostly for cardio because a million people are there and I couldn't get any lifting done if I wanted to. The Dudes are 2 friends who go to the gym for guy bonding time. These guys don't really workout. They carry weights from one side of the gym to the other or half ass some other moves for a while, but really all they do is talk nonstop. If they used their inside voices it would be fine, but the gym is much louder at night because of all the machines running and sound system going. All these guys talk about is how much they gotten laid and how much they still are going after. Their sex conquests stories are as lame as you might imagine, one just trying to top the other over and over until they both feel it's time to leave the gym. They have no problem blatantly ogling fit female members of the gym and are just all around guys I'd like to sock in the face. While they're both probably mid 30's or older they sound like Beavis and Butthead mixed with the cast of the Jersey Shore and act just as lame.
Mr. Laptop: I love seeing old folks at the gym. It really makes me feel good to know there are still people that age caring about their bodies, but Mr. Laptop is a conundrum to me. He's 60+, thick glasses and wispy white hair and always comes to the gym looking like he's ready for an extended airline flight. Coffee tumbler, laptop case, the New York times, and sometimes multiple books. He sets up everything in back corner of the gym and then gets on a stationary bike. Now I've seen multiple who read while "working out", but working on a laptop?! While I totally give this guy credit for adding movement to his day however little effort he puts into cycling I can't help but crack up. It takes a lot of effort to lug all that stuff in every morning to make it his own little office.
The Annoying Girlfriend: I've only seen this couple a few times, so I'm assuming by now this guy must have broken it off. He use to come to the gym to, you know, workout. Completely average, nothing crazy about him. The twist was his psychotic girlfriend use to show up with him only interested in hanging all over him and making a scene. She would complain he's was taking too long, text and call all her friends and repeat the same information to all of them and the best part..... she would sit in his lap while he was trying to lift. I kid you not, this girl was like a little monkey. Hanging on his back, tugging at his clothes, and sitting on top of him whenever possible. She would whine and whimper, until finally he'd give up and leave, dragging her behind him.
The Dedicated (yet ill-informed) Mom: I actually really like this woman, but she's dense as hell. I'm hoping after another month or two she'll really warm up and listen to me about a few things. I'm not an expert and I don't like telling people how they should work out, but when I see someone super dedicated and doing things wrong I want to help them. She's the only person who is there and opening up the gym with me every morning I'm there. She's really dead set on loosing the weight she gained from having two kids and I really admire her dedication to showing up that early each morning. She suffers however from misinformation. Draped over the treadmill hugging it for dear life, at a 90 degree incline, going much faster then anyone should at that steepness. I so want to tell her she's not really helping herself. While I'm sure her heart rate is up from nothing short of just getting pulled by your arms from the back of a pick-up truck, she's not getting a great workout. She's also terrified of lifting anything over a 3lb weight and can't understand that your shouldn't be eating McDonald's, ever. She's a super sweet woman, but so lost.
The Family of 5: I'm sort of a stickler for rules, especially when it comes to safety. I know this is a gym in a building that's all residence, but seriously who brings their 5 year old to the gym? There isn't a babysitting facility in our building, the gym has equipment and a small lap pool. While it might seem like a good idea to let your kids run around a gym while you workout, it's dangerous and annoying for the others there trying to exercise. To be honest I can't believe management has never said anything to these people, they must be friends or the building is just plain stupid and wants a lawsuit. They have a 5 yr old, a 7/8 yr old and a older child who could possible be 14 or 15 yrs old. Why the older child couldn't watch the younger ones or why both parents have to be there at the same time is unknown, but anyone comfortable with a 5 yr old running around a weight room shouldn't be allowed to procreate. They do go to the pool a lot, but it isn't a community pool, it's for training. I'd say with proper supervision (no lifeguard) if the pool was vacant, sure let your kids swim for awhile. But bringing them and letting them think they can crawl around on everything and run wild, no way. I haven't said anything to management yet about them because I'm holding my tongue but next time there will be words.
The Stretcher: This guy believes in stretching, so much I want to tell him he should just do yoga. He's the guy that only jogs on the treadmill for 15 mins, but stretches a half hour or more before hand. I'm not by any means making fun of this guy I just always find it strange and his whole workout is stretching his hamstrings. Also instead of using the area of the gym dedicated to stretching, he uses the opposing treadmills so that no one on either side of him can use them, which I just find a little selfish.
The Habitually Injured Runner: I feel for this girl. She's in great shape, but she's always talking about parts of her that are broken. I have a feeling at one time she actually did marathons or trained to, but this girl's body just doesn't like her. I always hope she'll take up a less joint impacting activity. Her knees, ankles and hips just don't like her running, but she does it anyway. I admire her gusto, she really must love running and not care what her body is trying to tell her. I just hope she doesn't do any permanent damage.
Depressed Desk Girl: There a quite of few girls who run the front desk at our little gym and they are in constant rotation, but Depressed Desk Girl seems to be there the most. You can tell this girl hates her job, or maybe just the location of it. She's pretty overweight for her height and is in a place where the whole point is to take care of yourself. I always wondered why she would choose to work there, even understanding it might be the only thing she could get, and not take advantage of the facility herself. I guess I feel a little sorry for her. The only thing that bothers be about DDG is the fact that sometimes she brings in fast food into the gym and makes the whole place smell like grease. You know that smell of just "fried stuff". I'm really sensitive to smells and a number of times I've felt very ill. Nothing like taking a deep breathe for your last rep and getting the odor of fry grease.
The Hog: Every gym has one, every single one. A person that was probably an only child and never learned to share. Out of all the crazy people at my gym, this dude pisses me off. If he was just an ill mannered, entitled, equipment hog it would be one thing. But the fact that he's a chauvinistic pig makes it worse. This is the only person who has ever said anything negative to me at the gym. I'm glad this guy doesn't workout too much, or has a different schedule then I do, because if I had to see him everyday I'd be a mess. I believe in being flexible with your routine. When you're in a communal space you can't have everything to yourself or use a piece of equipment any time. This guy doesn't understand this. Not only will he bark at people that even come close to him, he's pulls out everything and leaves his stuff everywhere (I can only imagine what his apt. looks like). He also never has plan, often choosing to do 1 set of very random exercises or deciding in the middle of a set to just abruptly drop the weights on the floor. The one time I confronted him on when he'd be finished using the decline bench he gruffly told me "that women shouldn't bench press anyway because they'll loose their tits." To which I merely asked again when he'd be finished with it. I haven't seen this guy since that little incident, which is probably a good thing for both of us.
Let me start of by saying - no matter how quirky these people are, they are a least getting in a workout, well most of them....
Bear Man: I see this guy often, he's a regular and in fairly decent shape. He's of smaller stature which I think for some guys means they feel they need to over compensate on everything. This guy's form is terrible. He goes insanely heavy with crap form and tries to do every set as fast as humanly possible (probably because his limbs are going to rip off.) I'm actually waiting for this guy to hurt himself really badly, he's just asking for a serious muscle tear somewhere. If that wasn't amusing enough he makes these horrendously loud and guttural bear like scream/moan sounds. So loud I've actually seen the girl at the front desk jump out of her chair. I know that getting through the last few reps is hard, bodies are being taxed to their limit and if you're doing max weight of course your pushing yourself, making sounds is totally normal. However, Bear Man is crazy and wants attention. He has to show everyone how heavy he's lifting and how hard he's working, and has no problem making the sounds of someone being tortured & pleasured beyond their wildest dreams as loud as his lungs will let him. I try really hard to workout before Bear Man, it's very hard to concentrate and sort of uncomfortable with him around.
The Dudes: These guys only workout in the evening, which I'm really really thankful for. I do go to the gym at night on occasion but it's very rare. I'm usually to burnt to go at night and if I do it's mostly for cardio because a million people are there and I couldn't get any lifting done if I wanted to. The Dudes are 2 friends who go to the gym for guy bonding time. These guys don't really workout. They carry weights from one side of the gym to the other or half ass some other moves for a while, but really all they do is talk nonstop. If they used their inside voices it would be fine, but the gym is much louder at night because of all the machines running and sound system going. All these guys talk about is how much they gotten laid and how much they still are going after. Their sex conquests stories are as lame as you might imagine, one just trying to top the other over and over until they both feel it's time to leave the gym. They have no problem blatantly ogling fit female members of the gym and are just all around guys I'd like to sock in the face. While they're both probably mid 30's or older they sound like Beavis and Butthead mixed with the cast of the Jersey Shore and act just as lame.
Mr. Laptop: I love seeing old folks at the gym. It really makes me feel good to know there are still people that age caring about their bodies, but Mr. Laptop is a conundrum to me. He's 60+, thick glasses and wispy white hair and always comes to the gym looking like he's ready for an extended airline flight. Coffee tumbler, laptop case, the New York times, and sometimes multiple books. He sets up everything in back corner of the gym and then gets on a stationary bike. Now I've seen multiple who read while "working out", but working on a laptop?! While I totally give this guy credit for adding movement to his day however little effort he puts into cycling I can't help but crack up. It takes a lot of effort to lug all that stuff in every morning to make it his own little office.
The Annoying Girlfriend: I've only seen this couple a few times, so I'm assuming by now this guy must have broken it off. He use to come to the gym to, you know, workout. Completely average, nothing crazy about him. The twist was his psychotic girlfriend use to show up with him only interested in hanging all over him and making a scene. She would complain he's was taking too long, text and call all her friends and repeat the same information to all of them and the best part..... she would sit in his lap while he was trying to lift. I kid you not, this girl was like a little monkey. Hanging on his back, tugging at his clothes, and sitting on top of him whenever possible. She would whine and whimper, until finally he'd give up and leave, dragging her behind him.
The Dedicated (yet ill-informed) Mom: I actually really like this woman, but she's dense as hell. I'm hoping after another month or two she'll really warm up and listen to me about a few things. I'm not an expert and I don't like telling people how they should work out, but when I see someone super dedicated and doing things wrong I want to help them. She's the only person who is there and opening up the gym with me every morning I'm there. She's really dead set on loosing the weight she gained from having two kids and I really admire her dedication to showing up that early each morning. She suffers however from misinformation. Draped over the treadmill hugging it for dear life, at a 90 degree incline, going much faster then anyone should at that steepness. I so want to tell her she's not really helping herself. While I'm sure her heart rate is up from nothing short of just getting pulled by your arms from the back of a pick-up truck, she's not getting a great workout. She's also terrified of lifting anything over a 3lb weight and can't understand that your shouldn't be eating McDonald's, ever. She's a super sweet woman, but so lost.
The Family of 5: I'm sort of a stickler for rules, especially when it comes to safety. I know this is a gym in a building that's all residence, but seriously who brings their 5 year old to the gym? There isn't a babysitting facility in our building, the gym has equipment and a small lap pool. While it might seem like a good idea to let your kids run around a gym while you workout, it's dangerous and annoying for the others there trying to exercise. To be honest I can't believe management has never said anything to these people, they must be friends or the building is just plain stupid and wants a lawsuit. They have a 5 yr old, a 7/8 yr old and a older child who could possible be 14 or 15 yrs old. Why the older child couldn't watch the younger ones or why both parents have to be there at the same time is unknown, but anyone comfortable with a 5 yr old running around a weight room shouldn't be allowed to procreate. They do go to the pool a lot, but it isn't a community pool, it's for training. I'd say with proper supervision (no lifeguard) if the pool was vacant, sure let your kids swim for awhile. But bringing them and letting them think they can crawl around on everything and run wild, no way. I haven't said anything to management yet about them because I'm holding my tongue but next time there will be words.
The Stretcher: This guy believes in stretching, so much I want to tell him he should just do yoga. He's the guy that only jogs on the treadmill for 15 mins, but stretches a half hour or more before hand. I'm not by any means making fun of this guy I just always find it strange and his whole workout is stretching his hamstrings. Also instead of using the area of the gym dedicated to stretching, he uses the opposing treadmills so that no one on either side of him can use them, which I just find a little selfish.
The Habitually Injured Runner: I feel for this girl. She's in great shape, but she's always talking about parts of her that are broken. I have a feeling at one time she actually did marathons or trained to, but this girl's body just doesn't like her. I always hope she'll take up a less joint impacting activity. Her knees, ankles and hips just don't like her running, but she does it anyway. I admire her gusto, she really must love running and not care what her body is trying to tell her. I just hope she doesn't do any permanent damage.
Depressed Desk Girl: There a quite of few girls who run the front desk at our little gym and they are in constant rotation, but Depressed Desk Girl seems to be there the most. You can tell this girl hates her job, or maybe just the location of it. She's pretty overweight for her height and is in a place where the whole point is to take care of yourself. I always wondered why she would choose to work there, even understanding it might be the only thing she could get, and not take advantage of the facility herself. I guess I feel a little sorry for her. The only thing that bothers be about DDG is the fact that sometimes she brings in fast food into the gym and makes the whole place smell like grease. You know that smell of just "fried stuff". I'm really sensitive to smells and a number of times I've felt very ill. Nothing like taking a deep breathe for your last rep and getting the odor of fry grease.
The Hog: Every gym has one, every single one. A person that was probably an only child and never learned to share. Out of all the crazy people at my gym, this dude pisses me off. If he was just an ill mannered, entitled, equipment hog it would be one thing. But the fact that he's a chauvinistic pig makes it worse. This is the only person who has ever said anything negative to me at the gym. I'm glad this guy doesn't workout too much, or has a different schedule then I do, because if I had to see him everyday I'd be a mess. I believe in being flexible with your routine. When you're in a communal space you can't have everything to yourself or use a piece of equipment any time. This guy doesn't understand this. Not only will he bark at people that even come close to him, he's pulls out everything and leaves his stuff everywhere (I can only imagine what his apt. looks like). He also never has plan, often choosing to do 1 set of very random exercises or deciding in the middle of a set to just abruptly drop the weights on the floor. The one time I confronted him on when he'd be finished using the decline bench he gruffly told me "that women shouldn't bench press anyway because they'll loose their tits." To which I merely asked again when he'd be finished with it. I haven't seen this guy since that little incident, which is probably a good thing for both of us.
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