This isn't tough love.

If you cry easy or get turned off by strong language you're not going to want to read this. I need to get this off my chest.

It's inconsiderate to ask my advice and not really give two shits about what I'm saying to you. Acting like you care because you feel like you should is wasting my time.

I really don't like that.

I cannot tell you how many women ask my advice on nutrition and fitness. Mostly it's the same repeat offenders asking me the SAME questions over and over. It's always the same people who say things like "I just don't know how you do it."

Guess what? I just do it, I don't bitch like a little pussy and whine that I never look good in a bathing suit.

This isn't tough love, this is tough life.

You wouldn't believe the shit I've been through, it would probably give you all heart attacks to know the things that have happened to me, you deal with it and become better.

You want something, you work hard for it.

Nothing pisses me off more then people who just "read" about fitness and nutrition. You should educate yourself, you should learn as much as you can about your body and what you put in it, but you talking/reading about it isn't you doing it.

If you don't give a fuck about your body why should I give a fuck about it?

"But I want to drink a bottle of wine every night…"

Ok I can see why.

Anytime you say, "But I like, I want to, but can't I just…" my ears shut you off. You want to get your pleasure from pizza, candy and booze, do it, you'll look like you get your pleasure in life from pizza, candy and booze.

I don't think I could ever be a trainer. As much as I love the thought I just have zero tolerance for laziness and excuses.

I know it's fucking hard, you think I don't?! I was fat! I was sick and depressed and so out of shape it was ridiculous. I've lost 40lbs pounds and kept it off, I didn't do that by saying "Yeah but I want to eat cake or I'm tired I'll do it tomorrow."

All the people that bitch to me about how hard it is to be fit, I'm going to start telling them to fuck off. I just don't want to hear it anymore. My middle finger is gonna get a lot of extra exercise.

Buck up and take care of yourself or shut up about it.

You don't have to be nazi about your training and there is a time and place to celebrate and party. You just don't celebrate everyday.

If you don't care about really committing yourself to new principles and ideals then quit being a poser. Quit wasting your money on workout DVDs you never do and fitness mags for routines you never follow. Quit cutting out pictures of bodies you idolize and liking every fucking post on Facebook from a fitness model. And for god sakes stop getting a gym membership you never use. Just stop it.

I never want to hear another person tell me how tired they are and how they "just don't have time." I get up at 4:30 am and make time. I work 10hrs normal, in a high stress environment and deal with some of the shittiest people on the planet.

Make time or stop complaining.

You want advice, respect who you are asking. You want help then take it when it's graciously offered. But don't you dare make excuses, because that's like you spitting in someones face.

I'm into a ton of other things. Music, Art, Gaming. Small talk to me about the Weather, Politics, Religion if you feel brave, but stop talking fitness with me if you don't care. I just can't take being your empathetic cheerleader anymore.

You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you.

Last post I talked about the "why" and today I'm going to talk about the "how".

How do you stay motivated to hit your goals and keep a steady routine of exercise and eating healthy?

Well I can't speak for everyone else, so I'm going to tell you how I got started and how I always kick myself in the butt when I'm slacking.

The simple answer is vanity.

There is no reason to sugarcoat it and in fact it's being honest about vanity that makes going to the gym that much easier.

I'm going to be very open and honest about this because I think people get the wrong side of a lot of these "transformation" stories. I wasn't obese. I was far from healthy, but I never got to that point where a doctor was telling me if I didn't loose weight I'd develop diabetes. I did have high blood pressure problems from stress, but my doctors never told me cardio alone could elevate that. It was all a talk about bad genetics.

The reason I started on my path to fitness was because I thought it would make my boyfriend at the time love me more. This is as plain as I can be on the matter.

I didn't feel good about myself, I was crazy self conscience and hated how I looked in everything I wore. I was ashamed to be with such a cute guy and feel so frumpy next to him. He NEVER said a word about my weight, never criticized me or told me I could lose a few pounds, but I felt he didn't love me as much because I wasn't as beautiful as I could be.

When I started my training with Terri Walsh she made me do something really important and that was admitting why I was there to train.

"To get healthy!" is what I spouted out and to a point that was very true, but it really wasn't the reason I was there.

I remember Terri looking at me and saying "Yeah ok, but why are you really here."

I didn't understand, wasn't wanting to be healthy enough? She forced me to think about it, she forced me to admit it and it was the most freeing thing that happened in my body breakthrough.

"You want to look cute in a pair of skinny jeans, that's why you're here." Terri said.

She was completely and totally right. I wanted to go into a clothing store and love everything I put on. I wanted to look in the mirror at a naked me and not completely cringe. I wanted to look good!

Terri taught me that vanity is probably the greatest motivator for keeping true to your fitness and eating. Mostly importantly that it's okay, vanity with discipline is not a bad thing!

Vanity is a large part of how my decisions are made. Do I want to binge eat or look amazing in a bathing suit? The answer isn't hard to come to when you look at things that way.  I WANT a cute butt, I can forgo pizza for that and do a serious leg workout twice a week. That's why sticking to a plan is easy for me. I'm vain and open about it with myself.

Now health is a big part, but it's almost like the extra awesome bonus. I can't see my heart or my cholesterol. Someone can measure them with a machine and take my blood, but I can't look in the mirror and say "Damn my arteries are fantastic today!"

I can however look in the mirror at how flat my stomach is and how defined my shoulders are getting. Why do you think there are always so many mirrors at the gym? Don't kid yourself, those are not all for form... those are to gawk at progress to pump yourself up!

I don't have the highest self-esteem and that's how I've fallen unto scary places with making food a security blanket, but I've learned from that and now force myself to answer questions about my looks before I slip.

The sooner you admit to wanting to look awesome the easier it will be to stay looking awesome.
Take pictures of yourself often, it will force you to keep yourself in check and accountable!

Next stop for me is a full length mirror, it's been long enough I think I'm over my fear now.

"Why?": A question I'm getting asked a lot these days.

I've been saying "No" to a lot of things lately. No to bad food, sweets, getting drunk, staying out super late and pretty much any situation that would lead me to unnecessary temptation.

I'm not compromising myself and because of this I have a few people saying I'm working too hard.

I get asked a lot why I put so much focus into training and eating healthy. People hear that you're doing it because you want to and they get really confused. "Are you doing a competition or race? Are you going to a wedding or a reunion or something? Why train hard just because?"

Why can't I have a competition with myself?

I'll tell you flat out that competing with your own mind is far superior then being compared to others. There are a lot of people out there who run fast, or can lift super heavy. I found I stick with something far longer if I DON'T try to out do someone else. I just try to outdo myself :)

Gaining inspiration from others is fantastic, but no one is going to motivate you more then you. Ladies you will never look like Ava Cowan, Jamie Eason or Zuzana Light, just like you'll never look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Why? BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THEM. You don't have their genetics.

I'm not saying you can't train like them, become as fit or get down to their body fat percentage, but even if you achieve all this, you still will never look like them because you are you - EMBRACE THAT.

I train hard because it's the one way I try to love myself. I find that's a constant battle that's always uphill. I train hard because I know that no one, not family, friends or lovers will ever love me as much as my body loves me after hitting the iron as hard as I can. I train to show myself I'm stronger then I ever thought possible. I do it to overcome myself.

You want unconditional love, you want to feel amazing and have self respect? Then use your body and make it do what you want. It's control, respect and love all rolled up into an hour a day. Eating right is the fuel to do all the things you thought you never could. It supports that body you want to have and keep the results of the training you work so hard for.

I deserve to love myself that way and so does everyone else. I'll be damned if I let anyone try to take that away from me. I don't care how "un-fun" that makes me, no one gets to determine the way I show my body or myself love.

Things get hard. Just like everyone else I get depressed and slackerish. I second guess, I self loathe,  but eventually I realize that if I keep on top of training and eating well I'm doing something for myself.

It's natural to want a sibling/friend/partner that supports and drives you. The thing is you work with what you have. I'm always my own coach and fan club. I'm not saying I don't have people who root for me, or say "Hey that's really awesome what you're doing I wish I could do that," but they aren't there making me push myself.

I know I've said this before, but no one can disappoint you, but you. Everyday is a new one to show yourself you're dedicated to you. Not to your job, or to your bank account, not to the expectations of others... just YOU.

I train hard and I do it for me.

Inspiration from Your Equals

Tonight I got inspired to write a little bit about fitness progress. I realize I LOVE seeing people reach their goals. Something about it not only inspires me but makes me super happy.

I know a lot of women who see or compare themselves other women and instantly feel terrible (I think we all indulge in that pity part every now and then.) The thing is when I want a little boost I always find myself looking at pics of everyday women who have taken charge of their bodies and transformed themselves.

Before and after pics are a little bit of an addiction to me. I can get sucked into reading every story of every person's journey so easily! The thing is it never makes me hate my body or gets me down. I always feel a surge of confidence when I see how far others have come, especially people who've transformed even more then I have.

Seeing others and their progress always puts things into perspective for me. I find myself doing a little mental check list of my goals and asking myself if I'm on track. Also it helps me to stop myself from emotional eating and can even pump me up for my own workouts. I don't look to athletes as much as I look to my own peers!

I think it's a really fantastic way to look at fitness too. An athlete or anyone in a fitness magazine is paid to look amazing. Their whole life revolves on strict diet and exercise, they should look incredible! But the single mom, the overworked college student, the married couple that decides to motivate each other, these are the people I look to for most of my inspiration. These people have a life filled with all the complications and headaches we all face and they aren't paid to look awesome. I always find myself saying "If they can reach their goals so can I!"

My life will always be stressful. I'll probably always be operating on just not enough sleep. I'm almost always sore and yes I will always love chocolate, but these things don't have to be the reasons I can't take care of myself.

Fitness is a part of life, it shouldn't be viewed as a luxury. You don't need a fancy gym to workout and you don't need a nutritionist to eat clean whole foods. Sure you might need a motivation boost every now and then and for that I say look to all the other people out there who at one point said, "I'm done looking and feel terrible I'm changing." It's that simple and seriously always get's me going with a smile.

Into LiveFit Week 3:: Make your breakfast work for you!

This Saturday marked the start of my third week of LiveFit training. I'm happy to report that all is going well and I'm really excited at the increase in intensity with the weight training. This program is introducing me to some exercises that I really didn't do much of on my own, which was one of the main reasons I wanted to do this.

I always find that switching up a workout routine to be fun because it forces me to think differently. I like feeling new types of muscle soreness because it let's me know I'm using my body in new ways!

This week means I'll be adding one more day at the gym (an extra leg day). It's my hardest day, but that also make it the most rewarding. I've tried to also stay on top of my stretching as much as possible to prevent any injuries. My quads are naturally insanely tight, which can make squats and lunges more taxing if I don't!

I'm happy to report that my eating is also on track. I'm find myself really enjoying my Sundays of dancing and cooking in the kitchen. Preparing all my food at once is only time consuming for a little bit compared to not having to cook for a whole week and I'm loving it.  Today I put on 80's music and just sang and dance my whole way through. I've made it a bit of a game for myself one could argue another mini workout seeing as how much I was dancing around!

I found that my desire for sweets has once again rapidly diminished even under periods of stress. I'm not tempted in the least for chocolate, which I must say is rewarding all on it's own.

I did buy some new non-stick skillets which are really rocking my world. I just broke down and got some new ones and it's really help decrease my clean up time and the amount of oil I use when cooking. I've only ever cooked with extra virgin olive oil, which is great for you in moderation, it's just nice to know that now a little goes a much longer way since it's not seeping into the metal pan.

My discovery thus far with eating has really been with breakfast. I've always eaten breakfast, but now doing it much earlier is helping me through my workouts. Getting up just that little bit earlier for my yummy egg white and spinach omelet has been completely worth it. I make sure I give myself enough time to eat and digest a little and I don't get so fatigue during my morning gym time. Also I'm still eating a little bit once I get back home to replace what I've burned. It's usually when I have my banana and a little bit more protein. I really do feel my body absorbing it and it's quite a refreshing feeling.

I cannot stress how important it is to eat a solid protein breakfast. At rest your body is fasting, using up everything while you sleep. Empty belly means no energy! I usually eat about 5 egg whites before I workout now and it's helped so much.

Also I have a new love of quart sized egg whites only cartons, so much easier then separating the yolks out every morning <3

LiveFit Week 1 overview:: The important practice of will power

The start to my LiveFit training has been successful. Jamie has constructed the program to ease you in to completely changing the way you eat (and for some working out).

After my first week the biggest change for me is diet. Not with what I eat, but how frequently and how much. I can understand why this is only a 12 week program, I can't imagine eating with this frequency for the long term. I understand the concept of upping metabolism and confusing the body into using food as fuel in the most efficient way possible.

All I can say is LiveFit is not for the casual gym goer nor for someone who lacks discipline.

I'd go as far as saying I definitely wouldn't recommend even doing this program until you've trained yourself with just going to the gym on a regular basis and practiced eating a healthy 3 meals a day for at least a year. I can see the average person getting really flustered on this regimen, because I know it's already taxing for me.

I realized as I started this past week to even keep on top of my eating in conjunction with my work scheduled I'd have to cook as many meals in advance as possible. My life is mostly commuting and working so the kitchen doesn't factor in. I've dedicated my Saturdays to food planning and shopping and my Sundays to cooking.

This worked out really great last week and this week I should be solid until Thursday rolls around. I might have to get creative on Friday and hit the market again we'll see. I've taken a few of Jamie's recipes and modified them to fit my veggie diet and I'll say right now they've worked out fabulous.

Even this all this extra eating I have found that I'm getting the groove. I'm not always hungry and smaller amounts of food do satisfy me. Sometimes I do have to force myself to eat though. The first few days were the hardest as I'm not use to eating a full breakfast and then hitting the gym and then eating again.

Like I said the nutrition is going to be the hardest for me with this training, least right now. The workout routines are currently not as taxing as what I usually put myself through and I'm assuming that because the intensity will change as the weeks go on.

Today I tried to read ahead in the plan and I see I'm going to have to invest in a food scale and log. It's fine, but I can tell the reason this works will come down to a strict science in macronutrients and carb cycling. Something I've never done, but have read about. It's not a way of life, but I've committed myself to trying to follow this program as strict as possible.

I'm actually not trying to lose weight, I'm trying to gain. I know that sounds insane, but I wanted to see how much muscle I could gain and I know that I needed help with the nutrition part the most. Doing this program is really more about will power and discipline for me. I know that every now and again I need to force myself to uphold a certain code. There is something about resisting urge and training your mind in conjunction with training your body.

Will power is learned and if you never practice it you'll never be good at it. It's very much a skill and it's taken me quite a while to except that. Knowing you have control is very powerful, but you have to commit. I'm already feeling good about some things that happened this week that were intensely stressful and I did not falter. I did not comfort myself with bad food and drink.

Tomorrow will be day 10 of 84 and I'm feeling great. I'm confident I'll finish this week off just as strong and I'm looking forward to more intense workouts.

12 week challenge

Not gonna make excuses here, I've totally neglected this blog and the seriousness of my training.

I still go to the gym and I've seen progress in my strength for sure. It's good to know I'm lifting at my heaviest still, any progress is always positive. The thing is I haven't been focused on me. Life has gotten in the way and I've been very clouded on goals that surround my fitness. I realized I can go back, I can be serious again I just have to want it.

Change is caused by a challenge. You have to force yourself out of a comfort zone and learn to adapt. I've gotten too comfortable and started to slack, I don't like that and for sure won't let myself sink back to the old body I once had.

I decided today that I'm going to do something I haven't done. I want to try something new, something difficult, a NEW challenge.

I'm committing myself to a 12 week overhaul. Change in workout routine, change in eating and hopefully a change in me. It's going to strange, already I can see I'm going to have to deal with some initial stresses, but they're positive and they're for me.

So what's this 12 week training all about? Well I've read and followed Jamie Eason for a while now and I decided to take on her LiveFit Training. The thing is I already know the program works. I've seen some of the people who've done it, but it's not a program for just anyone. This is something you've really got to commit yourself too and probably not for someone just starting out.

I'm a small woman and building muscle is always difficult, it's one reason I like reading Jamie's articles on how to build and maintain (she's smaller then I am!). Her program is split into 3 phases. It's a process to build, sculpt and cut and honestly I want to see what I can do on the program being a vegetarian. I think it will prove that if you're smart veggie you can still get great results and it will help me write some material for others who'd like to try the program but need a few tips.

I went shopping today and tomorrow I'm going to plan all my meals for the week. I'm going to be eating more and more often to promote muscle growth and stimulate my metabolism. I have to remind myself that gain good weight is what I want (yes, scales still gets to me.)

I'll try to be good about updating my progress. Food will seriously be the biggest part of this challenge, because my workout time is always the fun part.

I'm excited to be trying something completely different. I need to throw a stick into my own spokes! I don't like being bored with myself and I was so excited when I was striving for my goals. This challenge is going to be my new mountain and hopefully at the end of 12 weeks I'll have reached the top.